DIARY FROM HELL!
Went to command to see if I could go to see the doctor because I was doubled over in pain. The officers in the command building and the man in medical did nothing for me. They made fun of me while I was crying because of the pain and I was denied medical attention. Spoke with counselor and she said that I could file a grievance. This officer Tommy and Mr. Brewster just stood there laughing at me while I was in pain. Went to the main building this morning for placement and saw him and when he saw me he told me ďDidnít think you would see me again huh? Mom, it completely upset me because all I was trying to do was get help because I was being harassed by another inmate. This officer blatantly told me that I should give my baby to good will. Couldnít believe what I was hearing from an officer.
This morning was another bad one. This place is supposed to be a therapeutic community. This place is a therapeutic joke. This morning the expeditor who is basically another inmate who makes the rules. No alarm clock and I was never woken up for breakfast and now I wonít be able to get one until approximately 30 days. I was told to watch my tone because I got upset because I canít buy any food for 30 days. They take pleasure in upsetting and please call Texas Commission on Alcohol & Drug Investigators Department 1-800-832-9623 tell them about all of these incidents please. The cop from this morning her name is Mrs. Washington.
She says that this program has taught me to be more angry. And that they are in a lockdown. Working in the dining room but now with lockdown I wonít be able to.
She says that a Lieutenant is coming to investigate my grievance and that she is still on lockdown and that all they get is peanut butter and jelly. I had some more problems with the same officer and he told me that I was trying to start drama. Then he proceeded to tell me if I knew the store good will and would I give my kid to good will. He also told me that for starting drama I could wind up at the jail there for 10 years for not complying with the rules. I am an emotional mess and completely exhausted. I seem to never get the amount of rest I need, up at 4:30 a.m.
The program has this group called the Winnerís Circle and I won first place. I feel the program is changing me a lot.
I am doing good. We got a new sister and I considered her big sister. I have been pretty busy all day helping this new lady who is handicapped. Also just found out I am Hepatitis C and I will get to speak with the doctor tomorrow, I am a little upset , but no use jumping the gun until I see the doctor and ask questions about the baby.
Mom, no one will answer any of my questions. They keep telling me, oh there is a possibility that the baby could get it but no definite answers.
I am on this thing called ATP. They put my whole dorm on it. Mainly because we got this new bitch of counselor. Plus the disrespect in my dorm has been off the chain. I have been up since 4 a.m. and not allowed to go to sleep until 8 p.m. I feel like I am doing all this for nothing. Not allowed to get much sleep and no recreation, but we will get commissary and will be allowed to have visit on the weekend. I have to sit up all day if its not in my cubical its in a plastic brown chair, with feet flat on the floor.
We just got off ATP and I am pretty sure that we will go on lockdown tomorrow. I am trying to get my name and number on all my paper and envelopes or they will take them away from us. Some of the ladies act up but I donít act up and they are going home before. I wonder if that is because they want them off the unit. I try to show people respect, but it doesnít seem to do any good.
If only I can get my privilege request to go to another dorm because I am having a lot of trouble in this dorm, and I am really frightened of my anger. I donít want to do anything to risk hurting myself in this program, but these people keep pushing my buttons and nothing gets done about it.
Well we are in trouble again. I should be doing treatment work right now, but these people. When one does something wrong we all fall, which is absolutely wrong.
Well I got to make my placements and got in trouble. We are all on ATP again plus something else happened. I lied about something because I was afraid that I would lose the program. Basically I got snitched out for developing feelings for someone else in here and I feel terrible. I became close with another girl who came to the program the same time as I and someone tried to say that it was an unhealthy relationship. So I am being accused of this, no justice.
I got a bad judgeís report and I am getting more and more angry because I want to go home. I am not focused on this program anymore. Someone tried to say that I had feelings for another inmate here and this is bullshit. I want to stay focused on the program but it is hard because of these other women here are so messy and we are constantly getting into trouble. I am having a hard time and have become extremely angry. It is so bad that I canít seem to get anything out of this program anymore. They are locking our boxes and we can not buy any food on commissary. I donít know if we will be able to have contact visits either we are on what they call Tight-house.
They locked our boxes and we canít eat or drink anything from commissary. There is no commissary at all now and no telling when we will get off this. I am worried about contact visits. They also took away my pictures of the family and the baby. When you come for the visit, we are not allowed any food or drink. We go to bed at 8 p.m. and up at 4 a.m. doing treatment. Not allowed to watch television or listen to the radio. It is really terrible. Donít really know what next they will do to us.
From Mother: Saturday Ė no contact visit. Had visit with my daughter today through a glass. Every woman who came to visit had been crying. She said that on Wednesday past that they were woken up at 4:30 a.m. to do treatment work, sitting in a folding chair for approximately 12 hours, had nothing to eat until 2:30 p.m. She begged me to do something to let the outside community to know what is going on in there.
It was reported that a young woman hung herself today. God, it was so awful! She only had just a few months to go but she couldn't take the punishments anymore. Plus the counselor took her medicine away from her. She has been on this medication for years and they are prescribed by her doctor. They had no right doing this, they are not doctors! She left her husband and two children behind all of this! Why can't they see the pain and suffering that they are putting all of us through???...
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